A thought about communication

One doesn't need to have commonalities with others to communicate, but when no commonalities are shared, communication can sometimes be a complicated enterprise, especially to those living with mental illness. Without commonalities, a bridge is neccessary, and both conversation participants must invest in that bridge in order to faciliate understanding. Unfortunately, the onus is usually on the mental health consumer to construct this bridge because we are taught (as people living with mental illness) that it is our job to adapt and/or assimilate to the "sane" - it is not their job to accomodate us unless it is obligatory (i.e. family, friends, mental health workers, case managers, psychologists, etc. etc. etc.) After all, as far as I can see, nobody is actively instructing the sane on how to develop a mental illness. Whether this perception is valid is the subject for another blog, but from my own experience, it is not really communication itself that is the problem, but rather knowing how to circumvent stigma. Therefore, planning conversations is essential - not with the intention of deceiving others, but in order to find the correct sequence or order by which to reveal sensitive information. In my younger years, I was often angry about the stigma my mental illness created and, as a result, I would overcompensate - reveal too much too quickly, alienate my audience, and when no viable bridge was constructed, I would console myself that they were in the wrong because they were obviously "prejudiced" against those living with mental illness. But as I grew older I began to take my time, strategize. I would reveal details about myself slowly and sparingly, until the time was right. Once a stable bridge had been constructed and terms adequately defined, there was almost never a problem with prejudice or stigma. As a result, I made more friends, developed more contacts, and had access to greater resources.