Introduction

Someone very close to me made the observation that everytime she felt truly happy and/or whole there was also a corresponding undercurrent of fear that would threaten to overtake her. Such is the dilemma for many people in recovery - it has been so long since we have felt healthly that when we do feel a sense of completeness, serenity, or tranquility, our first instinct is to hold onto it as long as humanly possible without thinking about the consequences, risks, or danger to ourselves or others. Because of this "all or nothing" mentality, fear is the inevitable result. Oddly enough, most people tend to think that it is this compulsion that is the hallmark (or perhaps a component)of mental illness, since, judging by behavior alone, it seems irrational. But the perceived irrationality of our actions is fueled primarily by the misconception that there is no intrinsic value in the feeling itself, which is a grave error. The actions of any individual, whether sane or insane, can only be considered rational or irrational when we have a clear picture of the stakes which are involved. The more precious the commodity, the more we invest ourselves in its protection. Therefore, a mother might walk to the ends of the earth to save her child if she thought it was in mortal danger. A patriot might very well give up his life for his country if he felt there was a legitimate threat. A desperate businessman, facing an indictment on embezzlement charges, might attempt to cover up the crime rather than go to prison. These examples are easily understood because everyone understands how most mothers value their children, or the true patriot values his country, or most human beings value their freedom. Therefore, if you see someone in the throes of healing acting out, remember to remind yourself that they are trying to preserve what is most valuable to them - namely, their mental health.